Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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