My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
