I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Who wears a wallet chain?!
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize