Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
