Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
her facebook's as public as her vagina
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
