If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
