i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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