i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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