I puked a lego.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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