he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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