but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
