he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
