She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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