The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
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