I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'm at about main and main street
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
