a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
