you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
