All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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