mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
