She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
