my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize