The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
