This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
