Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
