This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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