So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
