We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
