Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
me + whiskey = a bad person
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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