I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
