Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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