I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
The air taste purple.
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