My room smells like vodka and shame
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Randomize
