i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
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