yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
