grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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