you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
so let's talk penis.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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