just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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