The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
