she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize