They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
