Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
