There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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