I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
