My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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