some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
