and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Liz is crying about burritos again.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
