i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
