Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
