Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
