Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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