Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize