You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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