I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
