Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
