clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Randomize
