how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
