I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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