what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
