Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
