hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
