8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
