Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize