someone get that fucking seahorse.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
