I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
