A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Randomize
