So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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