Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
