if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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