No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
