You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
