Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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