I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Randomize
