I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
