Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize