my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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