I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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