Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
