I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
