I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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