I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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