I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
