I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
