Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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