I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
