well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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