You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
