If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
