trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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