In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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