yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
