btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
