goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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