are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
