try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I think I won the penis lottery.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
