oh god the rape fog is back!
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
