Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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