I just saw a hot homeless man
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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