see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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