Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
