turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
