respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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