Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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