Your tits are I can't wait for
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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