I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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