Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
