After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
