I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
