your room smells of hookers.
And success
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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