How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
