My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize