i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
