He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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