the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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