drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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