Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Randomize
